Often, I lingered on the decision I’ve made. Is it really wise to let you go? Is it the best for me? For us? Will it makes sense in the future that I’ve let go of the man who I really loved so much?
…I really don’t know and I always wish I know.
I am convincing my dumb self that it may sound crazy to let you go, but I will be more than foolish if I allow you to stay. We will never be right for each other because we do not have the same courage to ride the boat and brave the storm. It will never work because we’re gazing on an opposing horizon.
Yes, I felt that it is so much unfair. You (may) love me with the same depth as I love you but we can’t be together and everything is getting so much complicated as time goes.
Fate must have been so much unfair with us. But most of the time, I am unfair with you. I believed that you only wanted me because I’m only good for your ego. You allowed me to feel this way.
But that could not offset the way I laugh when I’m with you, the way you listen to my silly stories, the way you allowed me to be naughty and just be my real self, the way you me feel comfortable even if my dress doesn’t fit well, the way you make me feel beautiful even on the days that I feel bloated and fat, the way you make my soul danced when you gaze into my eyes, the way you make me feel important when you have to travel from Manila to QC just to see me, the way you pacify my heart when I call you in the wee hours of the night just because I’m not feeling well, the way I love silence even when I’m with you… It’s just you who have made me feel this way.
I’m still singing your favorite song.
I still memorize the sound of your voice.
I still have the scent of you on the shirt I wore when we last met
I’m still hearing the sound of your cry when you begged me to stay
Because it will always be you even after all the hurricanes that tried to kill the memory of you.
..when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. -Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally (1989)
For millions of reason, Harry is right. But for one reason that beats all the logic, it is better for us to stay away from each other. But I’m not closing doors. If love is really meant and authored by THE ONE who knows it all, I know we will still meet on a timetable not set by us but by Him.
We will still meet each other…
when love is meant to be peaceful in the midst of storm
when love is brave enough to choose what is right
and when hearts are fearless enough to conquer the odds.
I miss you so much, lovelove. You will always be the one from there to here.