Until now, I’m still in the middle of a long lost road of knowing what is the highest purpose of knowing you. Nothing is clear. Everything seems to be thrown into vagueness. Only one thing is known to me… you’ve been so special to me since the night I started praying for you -that fateful night when I know nothing about and I do not like anything about you. That night when I debated the Lord why should you become part of my life when our paths will seem not to cross. That night when I like someone else.
But things have changed when we accidentally have the chance to communicate. Yeah, who knows how and why that happened. But I know God is behind all this. He might be setting us up. But I’m still asking why. Why it should be you and why it shouldn’t be someone else.
Then, communication between us had been part of the norm. We used to talk how great the Lord is, our ministries, our lives and even countless senseless things that make sense to me and can still make me smile.
And then, we became friends. But I’m starting to see you in a different light. I’m starting to see how good your heart is,the way you serve the Lord, your unconditional love for your family and students, how genuine and honest you are. We’re miles different from each other.
And then, I’m starting to compare you with my other male friends. They are more sensitive when it comes to my feelings, they care for me more than you did and they love me… the way you’ll never do. But you’re different. You are the person I’ve been praying for nine months without knowing why. I just followed God’s leading.
And then, I’m in the process of knowing God’s highest purpose behind all these. I still do not know the reason why there should be a deep emotion upon deciding not to have you in my life. Maybe, that fateful night, God is telling me that He’ll introduce me to someone with whom I will learn. The purpose has been served. I’ve learned so much from you. So much that it has been engraved in my life. So much that the feelings have been so stubborn to subside. So much that I do not know how to look at others the way I look at and into you. So much that I do not know how to move on. So much that I do not know if I am still willing to share my secret heart to others. So much. My heart is filled with so much of you.
I will miss you, Mr. Old Soul. I will.
Update: Who would have thought that the feelings you never thought you could escape has gracefully exited your life. Mr. Old Soul, I really learned a lot from you. But yeah, feelings literally don’t grow if it is not from the will of God. Thank you for your life. 🙂